


Drops of Jupiter

by Geritashipper123



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Future Fic, Hurt Jim, Hurt Spock, Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Pon Farr, Pregnant Spock, Spock and Scotty are bros, Spock is an Army Husband, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 13:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10537440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geritashipper123/pseuds/Geritashipper123
Summary: The Romulans had reached the end of their patience over 8 years ago, and any Starfleet officer capable of serving had been brought to the front.Including the retired Captain James T. Kirk.But not his retired Commander.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for months I should be working on other things but hey- Cute Spock as an army husband fics. I needed to write this, okay? Title is based off the song of the same name. I don't own it, it's by Train, I highly recommend listening to it while reading. 
> 
> Dedicated to Galileo cause he saw jupiter's moons first. :P

The man walked down the street, rubbing a hand through his hair which was still not giving in to gray. Brown eyes sparkled as he took a deep breath of frigid January air. 

The Romulans had reached the end of their patience over 8 years ago, and any Starfleet officer capable of serving had been brought to the front. 

Including the retired Captain James T. Kirk.

But not his retired Commander.  

 

* * *

 

_ “You’re mad. But locking me out of our bedroom won't do anything to change it my love.”  _

_ “I do not care. I do not wish to hold you if I know you are going to leave.”  _

_ “Spock I-” _

_ “The romulans destroyed my  _ planet.  _ They killed my mother and now they wish to take my t’hy’la from me”  _

_ “Honey come out of there.” _

_ The door finally opened, and Spock’s eyes were rimmed in green.  _

_ “Oh honey.” Jim whispered, pulling him into a hug. Spock clung to his shirt “I should be going with you.” He muttered. _

_ “You can’t. Not now.” _

_ “I can terminate-” _

_ “If that's what you want go ahead.” Jim said “but you told me you want this baby.” _

_ “...”  _

_ “Oh sweetie.” He kissed Spock’s forehead “I’ll write you whenever I can. And I’ll vid comm you. And I’ll come visit as much as I can.”  _

_ “You say that.” Spock whispered “but you will not.”  _

 

* * *

 

He sighed, in the end it had been inevitable. Jim had left. 

“ _ Ko-Mekh- _ ” there was a tug on his hand, and he looked down at the little 4 year old pulling on it. Messy blonde hair, big brown eyes, pointy ears, pink cheeks, and a missing front tooth. “Are you listening?” 

“Of course I am Kory.” Spock said, then crouched to pull the black beanie down over his ears. “You were telling me how your loose tooth came out.” 

“Yeah but you weren’t  _ listening.  _ Not all the way.” Kory insisted, crossing his arms and pouting. Spock kissed his forehead, and he smiled again. “So anyway, Heather  _ dares  _ me to slide on the ice, saying I couldn't do it if I tried. So I went over and-”

“I’m assuming you had your teacher’s permission to slide on the ice at recess?” Spock asked, raising a brow. Kory said nothing, eyes widening. 

“Uh… you know what, we're gonna be late to get the girls! Come on  _ ko-mekh!”  _ He started pulling on Spock’s arm, tugging him forward. “Kory.” Spock pressed, not moving an inch. 

Kory looked back, sheepish “... they didn't tell us to stay  _ off  _ the ice.” 

“ _ Kory.” _

“I'm telling the truth! They didn't say not to go on the ice!” He insisted. 

Spock sighed a little and picked the boy up “you went on ice you knew you likely were not supposed to go on… on a dare. From Heather.” 

“And I lost my loose tooth!”

“Yes, and you fell and lost your tooth. Is that account of events correct?”

“Uh…” the boy looked sheepish “yes?” 

Spock stared at his son for a moment, then sighed and kissed his forehead “you are  _ just  _ like your father.” He set him down and took his gloved hand again “come along, or we  _ will  _ be late to pick up the girls.”

 

* * *

 

_ In the end, there had been nothing to be done about it. Jim had to leave, no matter how much he wanted to stay.  _

_ “I swear I’ll be back soon.” Jim said, voice hardly a whisper. “You cannot promise that.” Spock replies, clinging to him tighter. They are laying in bed, legs tangled and completely nude. _

_ Jim is leaving today.  _

_ “Come on baby have I ever lied to you?” Jim asked, eyes shining “Yes.” Spock says, and it's half a petulant huff.  _

_ “Have I ever lied about something this important?” _

_ “ _ Yes. _"_

_ “Liar.” _

_ Jim grabbed him by the neck, pulling him forward to kiss him once more, hand tangled in black hair. He pressed his tongue to Spock’s lips, They stayed like that for a while, tangled together. The bond in their minds glowed, and Spock reached up to press his fingers to Jim’s meld points. He didn't even have to say the words any more, he just slipped in like he belonged there.  _

_ ‘I love you I love you iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou-’ _

_ ‘You are scared. You have never been scared to be among the stars before.’ _

_ ‘I won’t have you with me. I don't know who will be with me. For the first time I’m actually doing this on my own.’ _

_ ‘You can do it.’  _

_ ‘And I'm worried about you too- you and our baby… you’re both gonna be without me.’  _

_ ‘I swear to you, on my honor this child will know their father. No matter what happens.’  _

_ ‘I wish I had more time. I want to go to at least the first appointment. I want to be here for everything-’ _

_ ‘You will be’ Spock showed him the bond, its rainbow of golden colors. ‘You are with me, I am with you. I will long for your physical presence, I will miss you every second. But do not think for a moment that you are alone.’  _

_ Jim pulled out of the meld to kiss him, rolling Spock under him. _

_ Exactly 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 5 seconds later, Spock kissed his husband goodbye in the space port.  _

_ He watched Jim until he left his line of sight, and then he closed his eyes and felt for the bond.  _

_ ‘iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou-’ _

_ He pushed that towards Jim until Jim was out of reach. _

 

* * *

 

His daughters were older than Kory, both 8 year old identical twins with blue eyes and neat black hair. Their birthdays were in a few months

T’Amanda and T’Emma (who yes, at the moment both preferred the T’ prefix as a nod to their Vulcan heritage. However their preferences changed at random. At school they were usually just called Amanda and Emma, at Vulcan events, T’Anda and T’Em, and at home whatever they wanted to be called) were usually fairly good with one another, but sometimes not, and were a bit calmer, a bit more like Spock whereas Kory was  _ clearly  _ Jim’s son. The two were waiting the courtyard with the other children for Spock when he and Kory approached. They quickly said goodbye to their classmates, grabbing their bags and rushing over. 

“ _ Ko-mekh.”  _ T’Amanda said, holding up a  _ ta’al _ . Spock held it up to her while T’Emma rummaged through her bag. She pulled out two forms and held them out “there’s a field trip scheduled in a few weeks to the Starfleet museum. Miss. Luann wanted to know if you would chaperone.” 

“I would be glad to.” Spock replied, taking the forms and folding them up before slipping them in his coat pocket. “Your brother has asked for us all to go out for thai food tonight. Would you girls be amenable to that?” 

“I would enjoy that.” T’Amanda says, and T’Emma nods her agreement. 

“Come along then.” Spock said, taking Kody’s hand again with the girls following, waving to their friends as they left. 

“ _ Ko-mekh  _ did you hear anything about daddy today?” Asked T’Emma, just like every day. 

And just like every day for the past 19 months, Spock was forced to say “no, not today.” 

There was silence for a beat, and then Kody looked back and said “Hey ‘manda, Emma, my tooth came out!” He said excitedly. 

“How did you lose it?” T’Amanda asked quickly, embracing the change of subject. Kody shot off into his story, and Spock quietly planned the route to the thai restaurant. They could stop at the corner store on the way home, pick up snacks for lunches and toilet paper. 

As his mind wandered, it subconsciously shifted towards the bond. 

It was muted, Jim was too far away. But he was still alive.

He hoped. He honestly wasn’t sure anymore.

 

* * *

 

_ 3 days after Jim's departure was his first Doctor’s appointment.  _

_ Twins. He was having twins. Against all odds he was not only pregnant, he was pregnant with multiples.  _

_ The universe truly hated him. It gave him these children and he had been so happy. He and Jim had been excited, Jim had been so happy, making all sorts of plans. He’d spent hours talking about nursery plans and names and schools. Jim had been so beautiful that day, excited beyond belief at the idea that after all these years he was going to have a formal family, kids of his own that were half Spock and half Jim. Children for them to raise together. _

_ And then, 2 days after Spock sensed the change in his body during his meditation, Jim had been ripped from his grasp by the Romulans deciding to go to war. How dare the universe play with his heart like this, teasing him with happiness and then tearing it away when it was just within his reach.  _

_ It was another month and a half, and Spock went to his second appointment.  _

_ He wished he could see Doctor McCoy, or visit Nyota, anyone really. But they had all been sent off to the war.  _

_ The only member of their crew not back out in space was Scotty- he had injured his leg in the last year of the five year mission, so he had been kept back while Nyota and Leonard (they had all gotten married after the mission had ended) had been sent to the front. _

_ And so, when Mr. Scott showed up at his door one day with his bags, Spock really had no qualms about letting him in. The company was nice, he supposed. Scotty was able to have good conversations with him about things they could both find interest in.  _

_ And, they both knew what it was like to have someone they cared about on the front.  _

_ They managed the news feeds together, watching for any and all news about the war. The federation was good at keeping its people updated, but they still heard so little. 2 and a half months after Jim left, one night, while Spock was in the shower, he heard the comm unit ring in the living room.  _

_ “Spock’s apartme- Cap’n!” Came the excited shout, and Spock froze. _

_ “Scotty? What are you doing in my apartment?”  _

_ That voice, one note of that beautiful tone and Spock was shutting off the shower, grabbing his towel and trying not to slip as Scotty explained the situation.  _

_ “- so I jus’ sort o’ moved in, sir. We’ve jus’ sorta been helpin’ one anodder along ta way. I think he needed it just as much as me. I'm glad to see yer okay though- yer a sight for sore eyes sir! Oh here he comes-” _

_ Scotty jumped out of the way and Spock practically collapsed into the chair in front of the comm unit.  _

_ Jim’s eyes were tired, and his face already had some deeper lines to it. But the moment he saw Spock his eyes lightened, and his face broke into that familiar grin. “Spock!” He cried, voice awash with delight.  _

_ “Jim.” Spock responded, voice coming out as almost a sigh “Jim what is your state?”  _

_ “My state? I'm fine honey.” He laughed “Really. We haven’t really gotten into the thick of it yet, but here's hoping it doesn't get very bad, you know?” Jim ran a hand through his hair, and Spock knew he was lying. That was Jim’s tell, he ran a hand through his hair when he was unsure, lying, or bluffing.  _

_ Spock ignored it for now, especially when Jim smiled and said “how are you? How's the baby?”  _

_ “The baby-” Spock’s heartbeat picked up in his side “Jim I am having twins.” Jim’s eyes went huge, and his grin got impossibly wider.  _

_ “Twins- oh my god twins! That's incredible!” He was bouncing a little from his side of the camera “twins- that's awesome honey! And everything's going okay?”  _

_ “Yes- I miss you.” Blue eyes softened, and Jim’s face crinkled from the force of his smile  _

_ “I miss you too- hey wait if Scotty is there-” he turned and called over his shoulder “Bones!” Scotty, who had been lounging on the couch, sat up straighter, and Spock looked between him and the camera before asking “Doctor McCoy is there with you?”  _

_ “The fleet saw that we’d worked together in the past and put us on the same ship- BONES get over here I got a surprise!” From off camera, he could hear the doctor’s voice.  _

_ “Can't this wait? I’m talking to Nyota and we both have to call Scotty!” Spock shifted to let Scotty sit next to him and Jim turned the PADD he was apparently calling from to reveal Doctor McCoy sitting on a cot with his own PADD in his hands. His eyes went huge and at the same moment the figure on his PADD- Nyota, Spock belatedly realized- gasped and shouted “Monty!”  _

_ There was a bit of shuffling, Jim moved over on his bunk and the Doctor and Nyota sat next to him.  _

_ The five of them all talked for a while until there was a beeping sound from the other end.  _

_ “Time’s up.” Doctor McCoy sighed, “let's let the parents to be say goodbye- Monty I love you, okay darlin’?”  _

_ “I love you more don't listen to a word he says!” Nyota crowed, and Scotty smiled “I love you both- and don't go datin’ any odder engineers!” _

_ “Never.” They both chorused, and Nyota waved. “Spock- congratulations on the twins! Keep an eye on Monty for me?” _

_ Spock nodded and McCoy tilted his head to him “and go to all your damn appointments!” He ordered, then they left. Scotty chuckled and got up “I'm gonna start on dinner!” He called. Spock nodded, and then turned back to Jim who had a bemused look on his face. _

_ “I don't have anything to worry about with Scotty right?” _

_ Spock looked appalled, and before he could even answer Jim laughed.  _

_ “I love you, I love you, I love you-” Jim promised, smiling. “I’ll call you again when I can, I swear.”  _

_ “I am aware.” Spock said softly, and then he held up two fingers as if for a Vulcan kiss. “Jim… be safe. Do not attempt to throw yourself head first into danger as you used to.” He hesitated “not when I am not there to pull you back.” _

_ Jim’s eyes went soft, and he held up two fingers of his own “I promise. I love you.”  _

_ And then he hung up.  _

_ Spock sank back in his chair, squeezing his eyes shut and then opening them again.  _

_ He wondered how long it would b _ _ e until he heard from the man he was supposed to spend every day with.  _

 

* * *

 

Doctor McCoy had been transferred off of Jim’s ship after 3 years, so Scotty often talked to him and Nyota on his own. 

He still lived with them, still paid his rent and watched the kids from time to time. He designed engines for Starfleet still, and even did some building but he never went aboard anymore. Spock knew being grounded would have driven him mad if Starfleet didn't give him so much work. 

Spock lectured, and taught three classes and still did experiments in his free time. Even if he wasn't on active duty he was still a Starfleet officer, and that was paying for his children to go to the best schools and live in a nice apartment in San Francisco.

An apartment he was  _ supposed  _ to share with Jim. Instead, he’s a single father living with his friend and three children in it. Spock doesn't care if it's illogical, he doesn't care if it's xenophobic or against the teachings of Surak- the next time he sees a Romulan, he’s going to punch them in the face so hard their pointy little ears- ears so similar to his own that make people hate  _ him _ and not  _ them  _ just because they look similar- pop right off their head. 

He thinks all these things in the span of time it takes for the lift to reach their floor- their apartment is on the 17th. The children are at an age where pressing the buttons on the lift makes them feel independent, so Spock has taken to standing back and letting Kory and his sisters order the lift to the 17th floor. His mind wanders again, instinctively reaching for its mate. The instinct to constantly feel the bond comes from too long without contact- one of the reasons Starfleet regulations typically forbid the separation of Vulcan bondmates is because it could, after a while, become dangerous.

He’d argued his case once, a few months before the twins were born. But nothing had come of it-  _ we need Captain Kirk _ they had argued  _ and with your human half it likely will not be dangerous to you _

When Jim had found out about that, he had thrown a fit. He always was wildly overprotective of Spock.

With a sigh, he opened his tired eyes, feeling a headache beginning to burn behind his eyes. The door to the lift slid open and the kids rushed to the apartment, the girls holding their bags and Spock holding the bag of leftovers and Scotty’s order from the restaurant. He walked slowly, letting the kids run ahead without saying anything. They opened the door, and he heard Scotty crowing welcomes, Kody already spurting off into his loose tooth story, and Scotty replying with stories of the tooth fairy. The girls had done their homework at the restaurant while they were waiting, so the kitchen was empty. He put the food in the fridge, resting his forehead against the cool glass door for a moment. Work had been pressing stress onto his shoulders lately, and he feared that he would soon hit breaking point if he didn’t take a vacation and receive a call from Jim soon

“‘Ey.” Said a voice and Spock turned his head to see Scotty standing in the doorway, “headache?” He asked, and Spock nodded, then stood straight.

“Your order is in the refrigerator.” He said, mechanically getting the things required for tea. 

Scotty sighed “Stress?” He asked, referring to the headache, and Spock inclined his head slightly. 

“Indeed. Work has been quite busy lately.” Spock replied quietly. 

Scotty sighed “d’you wanna call it an early night? I’ll put the youngins to bed.” Spock raised a brow at him “truly?” 

Scotty shrugged “ya need the break. They’re good lil buggers.” 

Spock stared at him for a moment, then shook his head quietly. “I will take care of them. That was the agreement.” Scotty sighed at his response, shaking his head softly. “Yer rung out, ya should call it an early night.” He said. “It's been 19 months-” 

Spock sighed “I know.” He interrupted softly. “I am assuming you heard nothing today?” Scotty shook his head “not even a news break. Not a lick o’ news.” 

Spock rested his pounding head against the cabinet as he waited for the water to heat for his tea. He swallowed, closed his eyes, opened them again. “I… your suggestion is logical.” Spock muttered.

Scotty nodded “Then take it. You still have those sleep aids? Take two pills. And don't forget your antidepressants.” Spock sighed, nodding before taking his tea and going back into the living room. The girls were sitting on the couch, Kory on the floor. 

“Uncle Scotty is going to put you three to bed.” Spock informed them. The girls nodded, and Kory got up and came over to hug him. Spock picked him up, settled him on his hip before kissing his head and giving him a squeeze. Kory would probably come to his bed tonight, like he usually did. Perhaps one or both of the girls would come too. There was no one to complain about the children sneaking in, and Spock didn't mind. He put his son down, crouching to kiss both his daughters on the forehead. 

They called “good night”s at his back as he left, taking his tea before going into his bedroom. It was a large room, with a small balcony and en-suite. He placed the tea on the nightstand, pulling off his button down shirt before sitting on the bed and resting his head in his hands. The bed was a king size. 

It was too large.

 

* * *

 

_ Jim called a few more times over the next few months, but it wasn’t right, wasn’t like having him here, having him home. Spock willingly went on maternity leave at 8 months, staying at home and setting up the nursery in the spare bedroom. He took a lot of pictures- things to show to Jim when he got back. He could see the room at all stages, and Spock took a few pictures of himself as he grew rounder. He started putting them in a book- Mr. Scott found it sweet, apparently, that Spock had begun scrapbooking. Spock insisted that it was a logical way to make Jim feel included in the process of preparing for children without being here.  _

_ Other than hip pain, morning sickness, and a few cravings, Spock’s pregnancy went easily. He took his vitamins and ate well. He went to his appointments and took home ultrasounds for the book of pictures. (He refused to call it a scrapbook). Scotty helped him, helped him get to his appointments and made sure Spock was managing well. But it wasn’t right, it wasn’t like having Jim there. And while Scotty made a great friend, he made it very clear that he was not co-parenting at all. “If I wanted kids” he said one night “I’d have ‘em. With Nyota and Len. I’ll pay keep payin’ rent, I’ll watch the kids if yer gonna be home late one night, but they’re your kids, a’right?”  _

_ Spock nodded “Of course.” He told Scotty. “I do not expect you to help raise my children.” _

_ It was only a week after that conversation, he went into labor. _

_ It was painful, and Scotty couldn’t get there in time. He was in this alone. He kept closing his eyes and trying to imagine that Jim was there, that he was on his way and would soon be there to meet his babies and hold Spock close. Once the two screaming babies had been taken out of the room, there were a few terrifying minutes when Spock contemplated the merits of putting them up for adoption. How was he supposed to care for two infants without  _ Jim?  _ The prospect was not pleasant. He would be a horrible parent! _

_ What the hell was he thinking? Now that the babies were born he could join the service, see Jim again- _

_ “Mr. Spock?” That was the nurse, she had two pink wrapped bundles in her arms. “Would you like to meet your daughters?” _

_ Daughters? He had daughters? He was nodding without thinking now, and the two babies were placed in his arms. Pale skin with green cheeks, dark hair, identical faces, little noses.  _ _   
_ _ Spock felt something tighten in his chest. The two angels in his arms deserved better than him, better than- _

_ One of them squirmed, made a noise. Her eyes opened.  _

_ Blue. Blue like the warp trail. Blue and full of stars. Her noise woke her sister, and her eyes blinked open too before they squeezed shut and she started to cry.  _

_ It was almost instinct, shushing his crying daughter. They both had blue eyes, Jim’s eyes.  _

_ These girls were half Jim. _

_ He held pieces of his husband in his arms. And that was more than he had had in months. _

_ He started to cry.  _

_ Scotty came hours later, took pictures of Spock with the babies and of both of the babies themselves.  _

_ That night, Spock was asked to stay over at the hospital. As he rocked his babies to sleep, he whispered “there is someone you have not met yet. You both have his eyes. His name is Jim. He loves you two so much. So so much…” _

 

* * *

 

Four nights later, Spock was shaken awake rather roughly. He blinked his eyes open, grumbling. “What… Kory?” He opened his eyes fully to see not one of his children, but Scotty standing over him. 

“Wake up- Spock turn on the bloody holoscreen-  _ hurry-  _ Wake  _ up  _ dammit!” He kept shaking him until Spock batted one of his hands away and sat up in bed. There was a holoscreen in the bedroom, something Jim had wanted. He grabbed the remote off the bedside table and turned it on. 

_ Breaking news: Romulans Declare Surrender- _

Spock’s heart stopped in his side. He rubbed his eyes, then did it again. He pinched himself. He wasn’t dreaming.

“It’s over.” Scotty whispered “The war is  _ over.”  _

Scotty’s jaw trembled, and he suddenly was laughing, letting out a whoop. Spock climbed out of the bed, grabbing a robe and sliding it on. He quickly walked out of his room, into the girls’ room. He shook T’Amanda awake, then T’Emma. “Girls-  _ Girls.  _ There is news.” 

And then Kory burst into his sisters’ bedroom.  _ “Ko-Mekh?!  _ Is it true is it true is it really-”

“Wha’s going on…” T’Emma asked sleepily. 

Spock was nodding at Kory, who looked like he would burst “the war is over! The war’s over  _ Daddy’s gonna come home!”  _

“What?!” T’Amanda half shrieked, suddenly very awake. T’Emma climbed out of bed “is he for real? This isn’t a dream?”

Spock shook his head “No. He is telling the truth. The Romulans have surrendered-” 

The girls started shrieking, jumping up and down with their brother. Then they raced into the living room, Scotty had turned on the big holoscreen there. There it was, scrolling across the bottom of the screen.

_ The war is over. The war is over. The war is over. Federation President to begin plans for troop extraction in the morning. _

_ The war is over, the war is over. _

“Jim.” Spock whispered, knees buckling as the reality hit him.  _ Jim had survived. Jim was coming home.  _

“Jim.  _ T’hy’la.”  _ He whispered again. “Jim. Jim.”

 

* * *

 

_ Three weeks into being a parent, and Spock was crying in the shower. _

_ Everything felt so wrong. Scotty had been there, and his babies were good. They slept and they drank milk and they needed to be changed. But everything felt so wrong. He kept staring at his PADD, at the email from starfleet congratulating him on the birth of his daughters. Jim had been sent a similar message, no doubt. _

_ But Jim hadn’t even seen his babies yet. That was wrong. _

_ This all felt wrong.  _

_ He cried a lot, which was weird. But he had cried more in the last three weeks than he had in his entire life. People kept congratulating him, but he didn’t feel like he had achieved anything. He was probably supposed to be happy, glad that his children were born safe. He just felt… sad. No matter what he did.  _

_ He was pulled out of his thoughts by one of the girls starting to cry, and Spock sighed before turning off the sonics and wiping his tears. He put on his underwear and a shirt- one of Jim’s, although the smells had faded from most of Jim’s shirts. If he closed his eyes and focused, he could just barely smell Jim in the house, but it was mostly faded. (Sometimes, he used Jim’s aftershave. Just for the smell.) _

_ He quickly went and started rocking T’Amanda. She calmed, but didn’t go back to sleep. With a sigh, He picked her up in one arm and scooped up T’Emma with his other. He went into the living room, laying them both on the couch. T’Amanda made a valiant effort to raise her head, and Spock watched her with a little sigh. He positioned himself and several pillows to keep the girls from falling, then he pulled out his PADD. He began reading, and just as he was getting into it… the Vidcomm rang. Spock sighed, glanced over. _

_ And froze. _

_ The first three digits were Starfleet’s calling code. The other seven were Jim’s serial number. _

_ Spock stared, then dove for the answer button, feeling emotions well up inside him. The call connected, and Spock breathed “ _ Jim"  _ Like a prayer.  _

_ Jim smiled warmly “Hey beautiful. How are you?” _

_ “I miss you, more than words. More than anything I-” He caught himself, trembling a little. His jaw tightened, and he felt like he was going to cry again. _

_ Jim frowned. “I miss you too. Spock?” _

_ “Apologies. My control has been… tenuous. Since the birth.” _

_ “... The birth?” Jim whispered, and Spock looked up to see that Jim’s look was changing to awestruck. _

_ “You did not receive the congratulatory message?” He asked, and Jim shook his head, tears welling in his eyes.  _

_ “Spock, Did you- were they-” He faltered “... Do we have babies?” _

_ Spock held up a finger for Jim to wait a moment, then he padded over to the couch and picked up the girls. He came back over and Jim gasped, pressing his hand to his mouth. He was crying. “This is T’Amanda Nyota Kirk, born at 1:14 PM on the afternoon of May 27th, at a weight and length of 7 pounds, 3.5 ounces, and 13 inches. Blood type T-Negative.” He told Jim, holding up T’Amanda.  _

_ “And this is T’Emma Winona Kirk, born at 1:10 PM on the afternoon of May 27th, at a weight and length of 6 pounds, 7 ounces, and 13 inches. Blood type T-Negative.” He swallowed thickly, then sat up straighter.  _

_ “My husband, thy line continues.” He recited in Vulcan, as was traditional. _

_ Jim let out a sob, nodded. “My husband, I honor thy gift.” He replied in passable Vulcan, his sobs garbling it only marginally. “They’re so beautiful, Spock… our beautiful baby girls. I love you so so much-” He choked on the words, looking Spock in the eye. “Thank you. Thank you for them, for this…” _

_ Spock nodded once, swallowed thickly. “They are too young to truly comprehend them, but every night they go to sleep listening to the adventures of the valiant Captain James Kirk and his crew.”  _

_ Jim laughed, the sound was half a sob. “I love you. All three of you. I love you more than anything. And I just-” He sniffed “God Spock, baby I love you but you look like crap.” Spock blinked once, twice. In quick succession. Jim wiped his eyes “I mean you're gorgeous as ever, but your so… you look like you haven’t slept in a month. And you were crying earlier and…” Jim shook his head “I’m worried.” _

_ “Do not be.” Spock replied quickly ‘You have bigger things to worry about than-” _

_ “You are always my top priority.” Jim replied firmly. His gaze softened, and he shook his head “I know this is hard.” He whispered “I can’t imagine how hard. But you’re the love of my life. You are  _ always  _ at the forefront of my thoughts, beloved.”  _

_ Spock’s controls snapped, and he choked on a sob “I-” He swallowed “Jim I am afraid. I- I do not know how to- to do this without you-” _

_ “You are not without me.” Jim promised fiercely “Remember? The bond means that you are never without me.” There was a beeping sound from Jim’s side, and he muttered a curse. “I have to go, beautiful-” He looked at Spock with teary eyes “I love you, and I love the girls. Stay strong, Beautiful. I swear, I’ll come home to you.” His eyes went hard “I swear it, Spock.” _

_ Spock nodded, whispered “I love you” and they hung up. _

_ The next day, Spock went to a doctor. He explained how he had been feeling, talked about Jim and the girls. The doctor listened, and then nodded once and diagnosed Spock with depression, increased by his post-partum state. When Spock attempted to object, the doctor shook her head. “I was on Vulcan after the Va’pak.” She told him “Vulcans can and do get depressed. I want you to come talk to me as often as you need, and start taking these antidepressants.” _

_ In a few short weeks, his mentality had shifted.  _

_ Jim would come home, he told himself. Jim would come home. _

 

* * *

 

Schools were closed,  the day the war ended. The kids spent the day celebrating. The next day, the teachers at the girls' school and at Kory’s daycare all brought in cookies to celebrate. Spock wrote notes to both schools, saying that from now until Jim came home he had to be able to call his children at any time. 

When Jim came home, his children would be the first to know. 

But three days later, and not a word on when Jim would return. 

Then a week.

Then two.

Two and a half weeks since the war ended, and T’Emma exploded.

“Why haven’t we  _ heard  _ anything yet?!” She snapped one night over the dinner table. “Why isn’t daddy home?!”

“T’Emma-”

_ “Emma.” _

“As you wish, Emma. Emma, I told you it might take a while-”

“We should have heard something!” Her cheeks were green with her fury as hot tears welled up in her eyes “Why hasn’t he called? Does he not care?!”

Spock’s heart stopped in his side, and he shook his head firmly “Your father  _ loves _ you, all three of you-”

“He’s never even met me.” Kory mutters darkly, staring down at his dinner plate, and Spock’s head snaps over to him. “He  _ doesn’t  _ care.” Emma hissed “He doesn’t! Maybe he just doesn’t  _ want  _ to come home!”

“Emma, that is enough. Do not speak about-”

“Why shouldn’t she?” T’Amanda asked “She’s right. He should call-”

“He might not be able to, you all know that.”

“Where’s Uncle Scotty?” Kory asked “Why can’t  _ he  _ be our dad?”

“Kory Samuel Kirk-”

“Its easy for you, isn’t it?!” Emma shrieked “You don’t even  _ care!” _

Spock stopped breathing for a moment, and her tirade continued “You don’t care about him! You don’t care if he lives or dies! You don’t-”

“Emma  _ enough-” _

_ “You don’t care about him!” _

_ “ENOUGH!”  _ Spock snapped, eyes like fire “All three of you go to your rooms,  _ now!”  _

His voice echoed through the empty apartment. T’Amanda got up first, stomped out. Emma followed, stopping only to look over her shoulder and glare.

Kory got up slowly, and under his breath he muttered the words Spock had always been terrified of hearing.

“I wish daddy was here instead of you.”

And then Kory walked out, and Spock was alone.

 

* * *

 

_ The girls grew. Spock and Scotty’s combined efforts managed to capture all their firsts in holovids to be shown to Jim. Their first shaky steps into Spock’s arms, their first words (“Cookie” for T’Emma, “Bike” for T’Amanda)- all of it captured for Jim.  _

_ Spock managed to keep his hope. _

_ The war was leaning in the federation’s favor, and Jim was able to call often. He told himself every day “Jim will come home, Jim will come home” _

_ Four years later, and he was starting to believe it.  _

_ The may after the four-year mark of the war, and the girls had just turned four years old. They were both so smart, with developing telepathic abilities. They still loved to hear the adventures of the Enterprise before bed, and were always so excited to talk to Jim. And Jim- Jim loved his girls. Life was going surprisingly well- _

_ When the fire started. _

_ His last Pon Farr had been with Jim, of course. He’d helped him though, been so good to Spock- So when the fire started, when he felt his blood begin to burn-  _

_ How sad that he was going to die. The girls were still young enough where he would fade from their memories in time. He kept them home from school, spent the day with them. Then he went into his room that night and locked the door. He edited his will, wrote a letter to Jim and a letter to his father. He wrote one to each of the girls, and finally sent an email to Scotty asking him to take care of the girls until the government brought Jim home to care for the girls, and made it very clear he was not to open the door for at least a week. He sent a letter to Starfleet explaining that this was not suicide, simply a biological mess up. _

_ And then he sunk into meditation.  _

_ He was unsure of how long he stayed in his room, the fire burning, the heat growing to be unbearable. He was sure he was dying, sure of it. Even his bond was reacting- it felt warm, like Jim was close by. Perhaps Jim was sensing his fear, reaching out for him somehow.  _

_ Spock has never believed in angels, but when he feels cool hands on him, when the flames finally start to die, he is certain it is an angel come to take him away.  _

 

* * *

 

The balcony off of the master suite is just big enough for Spock to sit on. Obviously, living in San Francisco, light pollution blocked most of the stars. But Spock could still make most of them out on clear nights.

Tonight was one of those nights.

It was habit, a most illogical one. Jim couldn’t hear him. But he knew the general direction that the Romulan star system was in. He could pick out the proper cluster of stars that Jim was in.

And, well,

So what if Jim couldn’t hear him? He talked anyway. Tonight, as he stared up at Romulan Space, clutching his tea in his hands, he felt sick. 

“Jim.” He whispered hoarsely. “I apologize, I understand you do not like it when I cry.” He shook his head, sniffed. “I- perhaps Kory is right. You would make a better parent.” The stars were silent, but Spock scoffed “I am not a good parent, Jim. I cannot even comfort them properly. Tell the next Romulan you see that I wish to punch them in the face.” He bowed his head, looked at his hands. “Why are you not  _ home  _ yet,  _ ashayam?  _ Why have you not called?” he looked back up at the stars with half a glare “If you have injured yourself up there, I will not make love with you for a month.” He sighed, shaking his head “I do not want our children to be ma-”

_ “Ko-Mekh?”  _

The voice was quiet, hesitant. Spock turned to see T’Amanda, clutching her pillow and peeking her head in. “Please don’t be mad at me for leaving my room.” 

Spock shook his head “I am not. Can you not sleep?”

“I feel bad for earlier.” She sniffed “I wanted to sleep with you. Why are you not asleep? It is almost 1 in the morning.” she hesitated “And who are you talking to?”

Spock sighed a little, then shifted “Come here?” he asked, and she quickly did. Spock lifted the blanket he had wrapped around his shoulders so she could crawl under. “Emma, Kory, I know you two are there as well.” He called softly, and sure enough they came over too. 

Emma hesitated at the door to the balcony, and Spock had to beckon her over again. Kory sniffled, crawling into Spock’s lap. Spock held all three of them close, then pointed at the cluster of stars he had been looking at. “See that small cluster of three stars there? There’s a lone orange star to the left of it?” 

They all nodded, and Spock smiled weakly “That’s where the war happened. That’s where your father’s been. I was talking to him.”

Emma stiffened, and Spock kissed her head. “He cannot hear me of course, but I talk to him almost every night.” He sighs “I attempt to be strong for you all- You all miss him, and I do as well. Sometimes, it hurts to miss him so very much.”

Kory suddenly let out a sob and buried his face in Spock’s chest “I’m sorry I said what I said I didn’t mean it I want both of you here not just one of you-”

“Shh… Shh…” Spock rubbed Kory’s back. “It is fine. You do not have to be upset. I have already forgiven you.” He looked towards the sky “I told you, t’hy’la. He is so much like you, it frightens me.”

“... Daddy?” Emma suddenly whispered “I… um… I’m sorry I said you don’t care about us. I know you do.”

“We miss you, daddy!” T’Amanda called, and Spock smiled weakly, nodding once. “We truly do. Come home quickly,  _ k’hat’n’dlawa.”  _

That night, the kids all slept in Spock’s bed. As Spock fell asleep, he glanced out the window once more. And he saw the stars twinkle, as if they were winking.

 

* * *

 

_ He opened his eyes. _

_ Okay, so he wasn’t dead. Or at least he assumed he wasn’t due to the fact that there was dried come on his stomach, he had a pleasant buzzing feeling in his mind, and he was still in his apartment- he was in his bed. Sunlight was streaming through the windows and- _

_ He wasn’t alone in the bed.  _

_ He was confused. Scotty? Who was-  _

_ He turned his head, just as the figure shifted, rolling over in bed and pressing his face against Spock’s arm, which he was curled under. Spock stared, certain that he was dreaming.  _

_ Jim blinked open his eyes, smiled up at him. “G’morning Beautiful. Pon Farr done then?” _

_ Spock gaped, and Jim shifted until his face was close to Spock’s. He kissed Spock’s forehead reverently, then pressed his forehead against the place where he kissed. “Let's just get this out of the way now- You’re not dreaming, you’re not dead. I got medical leave to help you. The girls are at a hotel with Scotty, no I haven’t seen them yet and yes I am extremely mad that you were going to let yourself die but we can worry about that later.” _

_ Spock stared. Then grabbed Jim and crushed him close to his chest. Jim wrapped his arms around him as well, hugging him just as tightly. Spock didn’t know who moved first, but Jim was soon kissing him, rolling them over so Spock was on top of him, and Jim was flat on his back.  _

_ There were no words for the joy that coursed along the bond, no words to describe the pure elation held in that kiss. Again and again they kissed, hands clutched in one another's and legs tangled together. Spock ended up riding Jim like that, in the early morning sun and their big warm bed.  _

_ Who knew how long later it was, but Spock was kissing along Jim’s back. He had some new scars, Spock was committing them to memory. He was committing all of Jim to memory.  _

_ “I have to leave in a few days, go back to the front.” Jim mumbled, stroking his fingers through Spock’s hair.  _

_ “I know.” Spock whispered “Let me come too.” _

_ “Spock…” _

_ “Scotty can watch the girls. I… I do not believe I can let you go again, Jim.” _

_ “... Alright.” _

_ The next day, Jim was able to meet his babies for the first time. Tam (as T’Amanda liked to be called at this time) and T’Emma were so very pleased.  _

_ The day after that, Jim gave his husband another kiss as he left for the front. _

_ A month later, Spock had a mandatory check up so he could submit his application to return to active duty. _

_ He walked away without approval, but with an ultrasound holo. _

_ Eight Months later, Kory Samuel Kirk was born prematurely.  _

 

* * *

 

Three days after the fight, there was a school field trip. 

Spock had agreed to chaperone, because it was to the Starfleet museum. Specifically, their brand new  _ Enterprise  _ exhibit. He even pulled Kory out of daycare that day so he could come too. The tour guide met them in the lobby, and they talked about the history of Starfleet before she finally smiled and said “Alright, Ready for our newest exhibit?”

She was beautiful, the model of the  _ Enterprise _ . It wasn’t as big as the real one had been, only the top five decks and the bridge. Scotty had to have helped out with this exhibit, had to have. It was so  _ accurate. _

“So I know I’m the tour guide, but seeing as we have a real member of the crew here-” She smiled “Mr. Spock, if you wouldn’t mind?” 

He hesitated, then nodded “Not at all.” 

The first deck allowed tourists to walk into the Captain’s quarters. And Spock had to admire how accurate it was in here. Just as he remembered. “This is where the Captain slept. As you all know, during the battle of Vulcan, the Captain of the _Enterprise_ was technically Captain Pike, but then the command was transferred to myself, followed by Captain Kirk.” his eyes landed on the table where he and Jim would play chess. “Captain Kirk was then given the captaincy as a reward for defeating Nero.”

A hand shot up, and Spock arched a brow at Kory. “Yes?”

“If the Captain gets married, does his spouse move in with him?” Kory asked, and the whole class giggled a little. 

Spock had to fight a smile as he nodded once “yes. The bed is replaced with a bigger one, and the closet is expanded. And- in captain Kirk’s case- the temperature was made to be raised higher.”

The next deck up was sickbay, and the kids all marveled at the equipment as Spock talked about a man named Doctor McCoy and how he had kept everyone safe. Deck two was science deck- Spock walked into an exact replica of his lab and had to admit to a sense of great nostalgia as he talked about the chief science officer’s duties aboard the ship. 

All that was left was the bridge, and the tour guide smiled at them. “I think we actually have a special guest aboard the bridge today, everyone. He’ll tell you all about it…”

The doors opened, and a figure rose from the Captain’s chair, in full formal dress uniform.

Spock’s heart froze in his side. 

“Hey there you guys! My name is Captain James Kirk, of the  _ U.S.S Enterprise.  _ Welcome to the bridge!” Jim said with a grin. Silence. 

And then the girls screeched  _ Daddy!  _ And charged at him. Jim dropped to one knee next to the center chair, catching them and clutching them to his chest. The girls were both sobbing, and Jim pressed kisses to both of their heads. Kory was slightly more hesitant, and Jim smiled warmly at him. 

“Hello, Kory. I’m so happy to meet you.” Jim said softly, and Kory’s resolve snapped. He flew at Jim, throwing his arms around his neck with a wail. Jim clutched all three of their children close, closing his eyes momentarily. 

The bond was still unreachable- but not in the usual way. Now he was- he was being  _ shielded from.  _ Swallowing thickly, Spock reached for it in his mind once more- 

The shield Jim had up collapsed, and Spock’s mind was flooded with warmth. Warmth and light all wrapped up in a tight package of love and horniness. 

_ ‘Jim’  _ Spock thought in wonder, and there was a mental caress. Spock’s feet began moving on autopilot as Jim rose to his feet. 

“Hi, Spock.” Jim breathed, smiling at him. Spock would have responded verbally, but his vocal cords- how did those work again? He was fairly sure he had to breathe for those to work and breathing was completely unnecessary right now. All he needed was Jim  _ Jim JimJimJim- _

Jim held out two fingers, and Spock met them shakily with his own. Jim smiled back at him, eyes bright. Jim shifted his hand to clutch at Spock’s and pull him close. Spock clung to him tightly, and Jim kissed the side of his head. “I’m home, baby. I’m home now. I’m home, and I am  _ never  _ going away again. I swear it.”

“Welcome home.” Spock mumbled into Jim’s shoulder. The class applauded, but Spock didn’t care that everyone was staring at them. Jim was here, warm and in his arms. 

Nothing else mattered

 

* * *

 

_ Spock was scared, because oh was Kory tiny. His lungs didn’t work right and that piece of information just made Spock remember being a child, no one thinking he would survive the first week. _

_ Jim called, and he made some joke about like father like son. He was worried too, so were the girls, so was Scotty. _

_ But he made it.  _

_ Just like his father, Kory was a fighter. He survived, he thrived. And Spock was so proud. _

_ He grew, and Jim kept calling and loving his family when he could. _

_ But then the calls stopped. The bond was cold and silent from being stretched too thin for too long. Weeks turned to months, a month turned into a year. _

_ Spock began to lose hope. _

 

* * *

 

Jim  _ screeched  _ as he came, and Spock managed a groan, bucking his hips through their orgasam. His hands were clutching Jim’s hips, and Jim’s lips were against his jaw, his cheek, his ear, his lips. They were messy, and honestly after making love 4 times they should probably sleep.

Spock didn’t want to sleep, he was too scared that this was a dream, and that if he closed his eyes Jim would be gone when he opened them again. The kids and Scotty had all gone to a hotel for the night. Nyota and Leonard would be home in a few days, and Spock and Jim had been roped into helping them surprise him. 

Sighing softly, he pulled out of Jim, flopping onto his side on the bed. Jim curled up against his side, sighed happily. “You know, this is better than Pon Farr.” He commented idly, and Spock pinched his side, making him yelp, then laugh. Jim leaned up to kiss along his neck again. 

“I love you  _ so  _ fucking much.” He muttered, and Spock turned to nuzzle him. 

“We should sleep.” Spock told him. “I  _ am  _ supposed to go into work tomorrow.”

“Call in sick.” Jim prompted. “Spend the day with me. Spend a week with me. Quit your job, spend the rest of your fucking life with me.”

“I believe I have already agreed to do that.” Spock replied, and Jim laughed, nodding. “I will, however, call in sick for the next few days.”

“Sneaky Vulcan.” Jim teased, and Spock raised a brow.

“Hardly. The bond has been reaching the point where it was getting so strained it was making me physically ill. Recovery time is no lie.”

Jim didn’t respond with words, pressing a kiss to Spock’s shoulder. A wave of sorrow danced across Spock’s mind, and he shook his head before kissing Jim’s nose. “Do not feel sorrow,  _ T’hy’la.  _ You are back now.”

Jim nodded against him, kissing one of the marks he had left earlier. “I’m still not tired.”

“I would very much enjoy cooking you a meal, although we did eat earlier.”

Jim’s lips quirked into a smile “I’d love that.”

So, wearing only briefs for Jim and a robe for Spock,  the pair walked into the kitchen. Spock quietly prepared a meal- it was almost midnight at this point, so something light. He set the plates on the table, then was hit with an idea. 

“I will return momentarily,” He told Jim, pressing a kiss to his temple before walking swiftly back to the bedroom, crouching next to the bed.

The picture book had a navy cover, but was kept in a white box. The front of the book had one picture- Jim and Spock the day they had bought this apartment. It’s most recent picture was taken at Christmas, only a month ago.

Swallowing, he picked up the box and went back to the kitchen. He set it on the table next to Jim’s plate. “Welcome home.” He repeated, and Jim smiled “What’s this?”

“I believe telling you ruins the surprise, Captain.” Spock replied, swallowing.

Jim quirked a brow, grinning. He opened the box, and his breath caught. He picked up the book slowly, running his fingers over the faux leather cover. Spock sat next to him, watching as Jim opened it, saw the first picture of his very first ultrasound of the twins. 

They sat there in silence as Jim flipped through page after page. Jim saw the girls when they were first born, saw Spock at every stage of his pregnancies. He saw every first, every graduation, every celebration. 

“I promised you that no matter what the children would know their father- I forgot to promise that no matter what you would know your children.” Spock explained. Jim didn’t respond. “Is it… do you like it?” Spock finally forced himself to ask.

Jim set the book on the table, turned, and slid off his chair and into Spock’s lap. Their kitchen chairs were nowhere near big enough for this, but Spock clutched Jim close, let him cry into his shoulder.

Across the bond, the litany of  _ thankyouthankyouthankyou  _ echoed on repeat. 

“I love you.” Jim breathed, ragged now. 

“And I love you.” Spock replied.

They made it back to the bedroom somehow, and hours later found Spock staring up at the stars again. “I would talk to them.” He told Jim “Talk to you. Romulan Space is just visible on clear nights.”

“You're precious.” Jim said with a fond smile, clutching Spock’s hand in his own. Then he rose, pulled Spock to his feet. He led Spock into the living room, fingers brushing over his PADD on the way in. He tapped it a few times, and a familiar song started playing.

“We played this at our wedding.” Spock recalled, and Jim smiled. 

“Dance with me?” He asked, holding out his hand. Spock took it, and Jim led him in a slow dance with no real name to the music, swaying to the beat together. 

_ This is real.  _ Spock thought as the old terran song played, and the thought makes him cry.

“Spock?” Jim whispers, allowing himself to be pulled into a tight hug once again.

“I am well.” Spock replied. And for the first time in a while, he was.   
  


 

* * *

 

 

_ It was hard to believe, but he had finally been told he could stop taking an antidepressant. Jim had been joyous  _ _ when he threw the bottle out last night. _

_ Today, Spock woke up the same way he had every morning for the last six months- curled in bed and bathed in warmth. The sounds of people in the kitchen. Most mornings, Spock was the first one up, but being five months pregnant meant he was allowed to sleep in. With a light sigh, he climbed out of bed and dressed.  _

_ 6 months and Jim was  _ finally  _ getting the hang of breakfast. Each child liked theirs a different way depending on what they were eating. He still forgot to take the crust off of Kory’s sandwich though. _

_ Spock padded into the kitchen- T’Em was already awake, but Amanda must still be getting dressed. Kory was half asleep at the table, and Spock sighed before going over and resting a hand on his neck. “Kory. We have the girl’s last day of school party today-” _

_ “I have to get dressed?” He whined, and Spock nodded “go.”  _

_ Kory padded out to go and get dressed, and Jim came over to plant a kiss on Spock’s cheek. “That is so unfair. I couldn’t get him to do that.” _

_ “Practice.” Spock replied “You will learn. You are also about to set fire to the pancakes again.” He informed his captain, who darted away to salvage breakfast. Jim was still getting the hang of normal life again, not to mention fatherhood. Spock thought he was amazing. _

_ The two did managed to save the pancakes, and Jim finally had a moment to turn and kiss him. “Morning lovely!” He cheered, then he bowed to kiss the swell in Spock’s stomach “And good morning little bug!” He smiled “Any kicks yet?” _

_ “Jim, I assure you. When the baby begins kicking my bladder the way Kory and the girls did, you will not need me to tell you.” Spock replied, mentally rolling his eyes. Jim replied with a laugh across the bond. “Are Bones, Scotty and Ny coming to the party?” Jim asked, and Spock nodded as he got the plates. It was so utterly domestic, Spock’s heart warmed. _

_ Hand in hand, they settled in for family breakfast.  _

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE COME SCREECH WITH ME ON TUMBLR  
> www.flamingbluepanda.tumblr.com
> 
> See ya!


End file.
